Wednesday, March 29, 2017

#Parenting is really hard work - kids grow up too fast

Three weeks ago, Mini was so sick she could not move or feed herself and she was missing her "social life" and it half broke both of us down. 

A child who had never been sick since she was a baby was suddenly horribly sick at age 16 and of course we did the hospital things.  Some of my close friends and family know this.  I had not spent all night up in many years and all of a sudden I was watching fever and "water, mom water, mom, take me to the bathroom".

Of course I enjoyed the entire week of no sleep and caring for her while she was livid that in March break she could not go out and hang out with her friends.  She is okay now.

Three days ago she was staying in Moncton at one of her friend's places and something happened to her phone.  She called to ask if she could go in and get a free replacement.

I was livid.  I said somethings I should never have said.  But she has forgiven me.  You see, she goes through 2-3 smart phones every year when our Telco only allows each family member to get a free phone after every 2yrs.  The contract is clear.  But we get these things "I was talking to Cam while riding my bicycle and my phone fell on the pavement".  OR "I am not sure but maybe the dog walked on my phone".  OR I do not know but I think it fell by itself.

So after all these excuses of having to always pay for a new phone, one reacts.  Then she pipes in "but I got really good grades. Did you look at my report card?".  AND this is where Things Fall Apart.  Baby, do you know that I grew up on an analog phone which was always locked up at 9pm and only unlocked at 9am?  "Mom, but that is so like whatever!  Kids these days need their phones.  If I go to school without a phone, how will you text me?".  So I told her to use the pay phone or give me all the mobile numbers of her friends and we use them.

"Do you know how embarrassing that would be for me to walk up to my friends and ask them to let me use their phone to text you and then give the phone back and then you text that phone and tell me something like "you will eat whatever I make for supper?".  Mom, that would totally ruin my life!""

To cut the long story short, she got a new phone.  She is a signor on the acccount and could have billed everything to the account.  But non.  When she gave her phone to be repaired on warranty (6mths left on warranty), the Rep told her that her phone had seen some abuse.  So out of the $900+ she had to pay for the phone, Rogers Wireless charged her only something like $260 for her iPhone 7. She is the only family member on Apple.  But I was thinking, she got away with murder.

She did pay the difference after Rogers Wireless paying the bulk for her to get the teen phone and she came home and sighed saying "I am going to be really protective with this phone".  I cried that day because for some reason our little one does not see how hard it is for the majority of the world to even get one meal.  Until she reminds me that she has been working for years and will now pay all her bills and whatever else.

I went to bed and cried.  I cried for the 3 days.  I think I was still really burned out from that one week when I had to wash, cloth and feed a young lady with a strong mind of her own.  Maybe I cried because she has grown up too fast.  Maybe I cried because my entire village in Uganda does not even have enough food and her contribution of $260 for her phone after Rogers had cut back everything could have fed my entire village for the whole month.

Perhaps I cried because in her I see the new generation which does not think beyond themselves. I could also have cried because I miss that one week when she was so sick and I had to care for her.  Or did I cry because she is much too much like me...beat your own drum and dance to it except I would never leave anyone behind?

I may have cried because her first tournament after a whole 10 days of being invalid and her returning to the court only got her one gold, one silver and one bronze when all her life she wants only gold.  I think I may have cried because I do not understand why anyone would want gold so badly that they would risk being hurt in sports and just go for it!

I really cried because she has grown out of my arms.  So this morning as she was on her way to school, I texted her  and she did not block me.  "Baby, I love you profoundly.  I will not yell at you ever again.  It hurts too much and I cannot bear it".

"Mom, I love you too.  I will try to not say the things which get you angry".  OH.. you have no idea what things she does say and she knows it.

For now, PEACE REIGNS.  May you enjoy your journey with your own child.  God never makes a mistake.  In His perfect image He will show you too. 

I fell asleep about 7:30PM on the same day I wrote this piece.  At about 10:00PM, my little one wakes me up holding my phone and taking my phone out of my hands and glasses off my face. "Mom, let us take you to bed".  I had fallen asleep on the couch.  I thought it was super sweet when I woke up the next day.  I remember her covering me in bed and plugging in my phone which was not charging and she went back to the living room and got another cable, plugged it in and shut off the lights.

This child always comes into my room and takes the laptop away, glasses and the phone and shuts off the lights.  Just lately I have been mostly in the living room and now she walks me to bed and puts me to sleep.  Always "I love you mom. Get some sleep".  Who knew?

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