Saturday, April 30, 2016

NEWS BRIEFS FOR #UGANDA - Sat. Apr. 30, 2016

Ugandan media used to sleep all weekend perhaps to nurse hang overs but not so much anymore.  The competition is tight so they now work every day that ends in Y.  There is a lot in the media today (weekend).
1) The grape vine says dictator #museveni wants OWLanya to be the Speaker of the House.  Well, this should not come as a surprise since Kadaga has sometimes challenged Jarukanga.  The take on this one is that the Leopard wants someone who can rubber stamp everything in parliament.  Do not forget that OWLanya compared museveni to Jesus.  By the way, OWLs sleep all day and work in the night.  But then again, our parliament is full of sleepers during the day so this should not come as a surprise.  But OWLS can be very nasty.  One time when our family was living in Mbuya (I was too unpredicatble to live a 5 minute walk from State House Nakasero), father made me look after a little boy from a neighbour.  One time she accidentally dropped porridge on his arm.  So the little boy had a wound on his arm.  In broad day light I watched an OWL swoop down on the baby.  Beat up the bird and it left the baby alone.  Called father who rushed over and took the baby to Mbuya Military hospital for his arm to be bandaged.  Now this is where this story gets interesting.  OWLanya will be doing a push in parliament to lift the age limit.  Beware of OWLs
2) An article from one of my best writers in The Insider asks why Ugandans are lazy? I posted this full piece earlier.  Dixon Okello writes beautifully and is a security genius for events and entertainers.  You can check it out here:  BUT he is so right.  Why write U instead of you?  Why not say Please when asking for something and even worse, why not say Thank you?  We have a lot of work to do in The Peril of Africa.
3) Our Charles Rwomushana is in media saying the political situation in Uganda is hot like when you are in a pressure cooker and State House is in panic mode (I paraphrase).  You will all remember that Rwomushana used to work with the Junta as head of Intelligence.  He was arrested after posting a picture of a dead man looking like Chris #Aine.  But the goons also arrested the editors at Red Pepper who had printed that story.  Anyway, love him or hate him but he delivers.  Everyone who worked with the Leopard eventually found out that leopards belong in cages in zoos or the bush together with their hyenas.  FDC is keeping some people sleepless, including yours truly.  Check his full take here:
4) Span one time shared a picture of Ottafire and I told him I was going to have nightmares for days.  Months later, I still have nightmares.  This man was in media in 2014 saying Ugandans who get executed in China (while China was in Uganda getting free land and many shoddy deals), Ottafire did not care.  Now he says that his being an MP was a waste of time.  REALLY?  Someone pinch me awake.  Discard after use.  The guy lost his MP seat and now is learning what a condom is good for.  He should have had malwa (paid for by museveni) with OWlanya and then he would have learned how word from above can force the EC to declare you winner even when your people rejected you.  Might be his eyes though.  Who knows?  Check The Insider.  This is one of the main page stories.
5) Another politician who goes by the name of Odongtho says museveni and Dr. #Besigye will never agree.  Why would anyone think otherwise?  They shagged the same woman.  So this is a matter of you stole her from me and how dare you?
6) Then the buffoon called one Justice Kavuuma who asks how high must I jump when museveni tells him to jump has apparently ruled the FDC demonstrations and defiance campaign illegal.  EXACTLY when did one idiot monkey become the one who dictates over a population of 38 million?  You people are just joking.  But you see, this is what happens when a Junta takes over the judiciary and tells them what to do with threats to their lives and families.  REVOLUTIONS are started by a discontented population.  Even Gadafi and Mobutu were full of themselves and they had stronger armies but Jarukanga invaded DRC and took down Mobutu.  Gadafi went down by the people.  Even Mussolini, Napolean, Stalin and Lenin eventually went down after brain washing the masses.  Hey, did you know that it is only MAO whose legacy still lives in China?
7) Some 3.8 million Ugandans have signed up against MPigs exempting themselves from taxation.  But get this, those MPigs apparently will use up sh. 270 million for orientation and it will take 3 good days to swear them in.  I bet they will have to read the constitution first.  Too bad many are school drop outs and printed their degrees on Republic Street in Mbale (if you are in Kampala, just go to Naseero Rd).  May I remind you that the constitution is a very big book that is at the entrance to parliament in Kampala and every time it rains, people walk up with mud soiled wet shoes and wipe their feet on the damn book!  Bite me.
8) Some people who live in Bugaba, Kasizi, Kagoonya and Bukasa are scared of crocodiles.  Surely so but they should be more scared of leopards and hyenas first.  Crocodile meat tastes awesome.  I hear.  Should check it out the next time I go to Kalangala.
9) What is East Coast Fever?  I have never heard of it and it is a weekend so I will not be doing research.  Apparently it killed 2,000 cows in Kotido.  Back when I grew up, if an animal was exhibiting any sign of illiness, we killed it, roasted it and then boiled it very well.  But since Uganda is now a highly developed country, they let cows die.  What a shame!
10) Justice Tsekooko has cautioned the judiciary and the government that CADRE judges are undermining the legal system in Uganda.  Well, he is from where I come from and we are the bestest.  Just kidding but if you read what Dr. Kaiyehamba says about the judiciary system in Uganda, both gentlemen are my kind of perfection for the LAW.  We will remember all those cadres when the leopard falls and they seek asylum.
11) Chimpanzee has an article saying that 75% of NSSF beneficiaries waste their money.  SOMEONE pinch me.  Did NSSF ever account for the sh. 275 billion which was stolen and no one did jail time for it?  Where is Akullo anyway?  Told you people to dig a hole in your backyard and hide your money (preferably at night).  I am a Problem Solver per Excellence, non contested.  Temuwakana.  NSSF is riding off the backs of the hard working civil servants who are forced to pay into it while the Thugs and thieves steal the meager savings.  Buy land or cows for crying out loud!
12)  EAC will now have joint tourist visas.  At a cost of $150 per clip, I will go to Europe or stick to North America.
13) Museveni says that an under-developed population threatens wild life.  OMG.  Are you people awake?
14) Moses Khisa is at it again.  Most of you love him.  I do at least.  He says Ugandan MPigs are operating in an criminal system.  His articles tend to be a bit long but most of his readers find the MBs to read his work.  He is a wonderful political analyst and writer.  You can check him out here.
15) When push comes to shove in Ugandan media, I will give you my Leah piece of Mind.  Observer, Monitor, The Insider, Red Pepper, Chimpanzee, New Vision.  Ranked in terms of writing, research, informing, educating.  Go tell it on the mountain.  Your opinion of me does not pay my bills. Long live The Observer!
There is more, just check out the media houses online news yourselves.  There is only so much bull crap I can handle.
Now you are updated.
Martha Leah Nangalama
Moncton, Canada
Whatsapp +15068716371
All public hospitals in Uganda are death traps.  Born in Bududa but incubated in Canada

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