Saturday, March 26, 2016

NEWS BRIEFS FOR #UGANDA - Sat. Mar. 26, 2016


I have no idea who cursed Africa but they did a good job.  Can you people just believe the following?

1) Congro Brazaville's Sassou Nguesso won the elections with a majority after blocking media and internet (social media) for 48hrs for National Security.  Huh!  You would think this guy took a chapter out of Museveni's play book.  Having ruled for 32yrs, he promised development, job creation, poverty eradication, medical care improvement, education, roads, etc... Are you rolling up your eyes like me?

2) Turns out Uganda and Kenya had a reason for blocking Tanzania from the Oil Pipeline talks. Do you like the violin?  It helps one to relax.  Try it.

3) A high ranking official from China visited Rwanda to cement economic ties and work on China investing in Rwanda.  Here comes another province of China.  I hope they know how to use chopsticks.  Nihao!

4) By the way, Rwanda intends to end malnutrition soonest.  Hey, I have an idea.  Can we send them to Karamoja?

5) Then in Rwanda, there is a plan to implement something something to help more men get circumcised. Well well, coming from a tribe that cuts off some body parts of males, I thank God for giving me only girls.  Those people at home would be running looking for knives to cut my kids up when I take them home.  Hallelujah thank you God!

6) Meanwhile in Kenya, some 38 university students were injured in a terror scare.  Maybe they need to do practice runs.  The kind we do as fire drills in Canada.  Just a suggestion, do not get angry.

7) This same country Kenya, exam officials were arrested, invigolators dismissed and likely to face charges because on the National Exams, so many kids apparently cheated and many results were not released.  I have a problem with this one.  First of all, national exams do not measure insurance and cause too much stress for young kids.  Second, what is wrong with cheating as long as you are not caught?  But you can rob the tax payers and donors anytime and get promoted.  You do not believe me?  Why?  Ask Uganda!

8) The Kenyan cartoonist who was fired for a cartoon of some political things got hired by Deutsche Welle. When firing works out good for you, there must be angels watching over you.  Congratulations Gado.

9) Some international conference has brought together some international experts to deal with the crisis in Burundi.  Oh look at that!  Might it have anything to do with Third Term?

10) While on Burundi, the government denies that there are no divisions in the army.  Say what?  Was it not some general who initiated the coup last year and I think it was this week that one of the top ones was killed and then yesterday an army hospital saw grenade attacks?  It is all an illusion.  No divisions in the army.  But then again, some government people ending up dead might have been due to lightening and some opposition wannabees say there is major division in the army.  NEXT?

11) Meanwhile in Tanzania, the Zanzibar rerun elections seem to have gone off well.  Naturally we have some opposition complaining.  It is life.  But in this same country, 2 Dutch people were arrested at the airport with 61 monkeys..  I wish I had their contact information.  We badly need to adopt a monkey.  Monkeys are cute and we want to call ours Miranda.  WHO on earth takes 61 monkeys?

12) Magufuli is so dead serious you people have no idea.  Some government officials are in hot water over corruption.  Some people were even sent home with no pay.  Ahem!  Is this gentleman trying to prove something to Kenya and Uganda?  No idea either.

13) Then in South Sudan, his Royal Highness Prince Dr. Riek Machar has finally landed in Juba.  I suppose this is for him to be sworn in as the VC President.  A job he had in the past and then Things Fell Apart.  Mind you, Kiir had threatened to stop paying the hotel and food for the 600 rebels holled up in Juba since EU / US / UK stopped paying the bills some months ago.  OMG!  Can you just believe this?  You want a nice life, go to the bush, kill, maim and then you get to stay in a Sheraton or Hilton all expenses paid.  Anyone has a gun for me?

14) Then the Uganda saga.  We all know that the daily deaths in Kasese and Bundibugyo are not tribal but we shall just behave as we are told by the officials.  Damn tribal things!

15) A spokesperson (lucky this time it is not the underwear thief) says there was no attempt to assassinate Kale Kayihura this week when he flew (flew, the roads are horrible) to Rwenzori area to meet with the people to find a solution to these daily SHOOT TO KILL and the people rising up.  My question still remains, who on earth would want to kill such a nice man?  Next!

16) Then the circus around Hon. #Mbabazi.  Non non, it is not him.  It is one of his ex-lawyers (RIP).  Facebook sent a funny response to Muwema about taking down TVO's inflammatory post about the money, bla bla bla.  You know how that goes.  Yep, this brainiac is learning about social media too late. End story, Facebook ain't taking that post down so Muwema can now return the sh. 900 million and sh. 230 million back to the tax payers of Uganda.

Now you are up todate.
Information you could use.
Martha Leah Nangalama
Moncton, Canada
mlnangalama@gmail.com
Whatsapp +15068716371

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