PEOPLE - YOU GOTTA READ THIS. IT IS TOTALLY HILARIOUS. SIBALIMBA. Those Kenyans can really mock Uganda. In February when KE refused to pick up Museveni, sijui when the Minister of Transportation called in the KE CEO to demand why, apparently he laughed saying "who the hell told him to sell his country's airline". Hence that picture you saw the other day saying "@#!$, eno si boda boda"
In my next life I want to be a journalist. I wish I knew what it takes to choose one’s career in the next life, but whatever it is I will do it when I enter the transition to the next life.
Now I am not talking about the type of journalist that I have been in this life. No, I have had enough of this. I did it for 20 years, 15 of them in very senior positions.
But even then, at the peak of my career and earning power, the highest pay I could ever gross was $3,000 a month, for just about one year. Now that is not the type of journalist I want to be — one with a big name and a small wallet.
I am talking about the kind of journalist who is taken seriously enough by the nation’s top thieves to entrust him with $350,000 to deliver to the country’s CIID director.
Such journalists exist, although I do not know how many we have so far. But last week, Uganda’s Director of Criminal Intelligence and Investigation Division indicated to the media that one such journalist could have been given $350,000 to deliver to her.
Apparently, a couple of guys who were accused of stealing some $60 million from the public service pensions kitty went to the office of the CIID chief to complain about a gross injustice she was meting out to them — trying to arrest them even though they had sent her $390,000 not to.
According to the suspects, they had entrusted $350,000 to a certain journalist and another $40,000 to two senior CIID officers to deliver to her.
You see how highly rated some journalists are? Two senior CID officers could only be entrusted with a ninth of what one journalist was given to handle.
The CIID director refused to name the journalist, which is good because so many of us ordinary journalist would have started hating the poor man, or woman, for keeping the $350,000 bribe instead of delivering it to the CIID boss. The guy or lady should be allowed to chew his or her $350,000 in peace so it does not choke him or her.
Jealous Members of Parliament now want to cause the arrest of those honest suspects who gave a detailed breakdown of how they disbursed the $390,000. Some suspects are so evasive they do not want to disclose how they spend their millions of dollars.
But when such transparent suspects come up and give accountability to the CIID director, they should be praised and co-opted to give lectures on accountability to public servants.
In my next life I want to work with such honest, transparent suspects, not today’s jealous MPs and my generation of journalists who have always been accused of suffering from poverty mentality, being afraid of big sums of money and being envious of prosperous people.
A modern swindle must have an in-built media component, which means identifying the right journalist to engage the media at all stages of the scheme. It is only foolish thieves who remember to engage the media after being caught.
And Uganda is pioneering the trend. Even in Europe and America, no journalist walks home with $350,000 after a day’s work. So long live the new Ugandan media, I shall join you when I die and rise again.